no one else hears it
the argument between 
yesterday’s body
and today’s

i live an entire war
in the space between
two identical mornings

the footage hasn’t changed
the cut has
forty times before lunch

my eyes don’t lie
they edit

what my hands feel
isn’t a lie exactly

it is evidence
from an unreliable witness

a fact that exists
only when i touch it

hip
stomach
rib

again

as if the body might crack
under enough questioning

as if flesh
can be cross-examined

as if somewhere beneath my palm
there is a number
that will acquit me

and under all of it
the one voice 
that sounds most like me

calm
reasonable

a perfect imitation

of the woman 
everyone thinks they know 

it doesn’t raise itself
it doesn’t have to

around me
everyone is kind

you look the same
you’re fine
just eat something

they mean every word
none of it lands where they aimed

they talk about my body
it talks to it

anyone else could 
put a hand where mine is
and feel something
i’ve never once felt there

it’s real
it just isn’t accurate

true at the sink
false by the stairs
true again in the car

nothing moved

the story did

some days
i don’t eat

some days
i don’t look

some days
every ounce is sworn in

water
coffee
salt
the weight of an apple
before and after the knife

some hours i say it out loud
to hear which voice whispers back

some days
i throw the scale away

stand 
in the clean square
it leaves on the floor
and call the absence
proof

grace

there is a gap
between what is there
and what i can bear
to believe is there

a distance i keep trying 
to starve shut 
measure shut 
disappear shut

that has never asked
my permission to remain

it reconvenes
at breakfast
at noon
again in the dark

that isn’t relapse
that’s the practice

back to one
not the beginning

the mark

if your mind does a flawless 
impression of you

if you have stood sideways
in bad vanity light
and mistaken an angle
for a verdict

if your hands tell you something
no one else can feel

i believe you felt it
i don’t believe it

you don’t have to either

and when the glass
tries to turn my body
into evidence

i will leave it
unproven

wash my face
brush my teeth
put clothes
on the body
that showed up

and take her
with me

i am not healed
i am in conversation

it will be there tomorrow

so will i